Small t- Trauma

In The Myth of Normal and in many of his workshops and lectures, Gabor Maté talks about “small t” trauma. This isn’t trauma caused by big life-threatening events like natural disasters or personal attacks. This is trauma caused by a disconnection from the self. It comes from the clash between an individual’s two essential needs: attachment and authenticity.

Attachment is our inborn drive for physical and emotional closeness. Among other things, it is the bond between mother and child. It is indispensable for life. Without attachment to our mothers when we are infants, we would die. We carry those attachment styles forward in our lives and use them to attach to other people.

Our other core need is authenticity, which is the quality of being true to oneself and being able to shape our own life from our deep knowledge of ourselves. This drive is also rooted in the survival instinct.

The problem, or small t- trauma, arises when there is a clash between our need for attachment and our need for authenticity. Circumstances where this occurs include for example: parental addiction, mental illness, family violence and poverty, overt conflict or profound unhappiness. Even something as seemingly mild as not being seen and accepted for who we are is enough to cause small t- trauma.

Does the concept of small t- trauma speak to you? Did you ever get the message when you were a child, that you had to behave a certain way, or you wouldn’t be loved? As you matured, did you carry attachment behaviour patterns into adulthood? If you did, when did you find they don’t serve the authentic you?

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