Trauma and Shame

In the Myth of Normal, Gabor Maté explores the connection between trauma and self-shame. He quotes psychologist Gershen Kaufman, “Contained in the experience of shame is a piercing awareness of ourselves as fundamentally deficient in some vital way as a human being.” Maté concludes that people who have experienced trauma tend to develop a shame-based view of themselves. This feeling of being “not good enough” leads to a loss of compassion FOR ONESELF.

If you have experienced trauma, are you hard on yourself or are you gentle and kind with yourself? Or- have you gone the other way and put on a suit of armour which is composed of denial of any shortcomings on your part? Self-aggrandizement (look how important or good I am) is a sign of self-loathing just as much as self-deprecation is. It seems to boil down to an inability for people who have experienced trauma to accept themselves as they are.

Maté goes on to say that the belief “I am not good enough” is the most common form of shame in our culture. That belief has caused some people to achieve successes as they fight against it, but it as also caused many diseases. These occur often in the same individual.

If you are living with a physical or mental illness do you think it may be because deep-down you think “I am not good enough” or because you are somehow ashamed of yourself? Or maybe you are just hard on yourself? These are difficult questions for us all to consider.

Follow me here as I continue to explore The Myth of Normal (Maté. 2022).